Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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