I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
