She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
