I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize