maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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