This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize