I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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