I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
