i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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