My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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