I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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