I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
