if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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