No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
