Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
