I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize