I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
and she was petting her beer can
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
