It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
