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I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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