I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
