you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
