she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
