Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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