my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
