Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
All the doctor said was why
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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