uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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