See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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