I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
