We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
