Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
