for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
