My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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