in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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