it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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