I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
