Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
