I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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