So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
