Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize