It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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