Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize