don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
