You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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