I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
