I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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