I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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