People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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