she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
