my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Randomize
