Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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