I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
