oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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