Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
