based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
