some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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