I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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