Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
