dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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