The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
