i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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