what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
