i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize