all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
