Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
