She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
