I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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