at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
