i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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