She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
