There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize