i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can't put those talents on a resume
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
